On January 22, 2010 at 4:00am….Cade Christian was born. He was not due to come until July 11th 2010. He was about 16 weeks along. He weighed 1.9 oz and was 7 in long.
How did this happen? We don’t know, but on the 20th I went in for a routine visit and the doctor couldn’t find the heart beat with the Doppler. I sill wasn’t worried though because of the way the placenta had placed itself, both doctor and I knew that it may be harder to find. So, we then went to the ultrasound machine and there confirmed my worst fears….no heart beat and no moving baby. He had died sometime that morning. We think it’s due to all of the hemorrhaging I had because of the sub chronic hemorrhage. It also looked like that blood clot that had formed caused the placenta to abrupt too much for it to repair.
I was in labor for about 13 hours. Although this may sound horrible beyond belief, I feel like it was a blessing in disguise to be able to deliver him. We were able to hold him and see his perfect tiny body. I felt such a deeper love and connection for him the moment I was able to hold him. The hosptial were I delivered was amazing and they went above and beyond the call of duty. I have never felt so much compassion from all the nurses and staff. They brought us flowers, took pictures of Cade, they did plaster prints of his hands and feet, they made a box full of all his keepsakes and momentous for us to treasure always. They dressed him in the most adorable diaper and baby bunting you could ever see. They even helped us dress him for his graveside burial. The cemetery were he is buried also did everything free of charge…AMAZING!
Our family was devastated to say the least. We have waited 5 long years for this miracle, but it wasn’t part of God’s plan for us to keep our baby boy. I know that he is our angel and our perfect son. We will see him again.
How have I been? I’m doing okay, although, most definitely not my self. I have good days and bad days. I’ve cried a lot, which isn’t something I usually do. I don’t do good by myself, so if Brent isn’t home, my Mom is usually with me. Thank goodness for Moms! I know it will get easier as time goes on. I’m grateful for all of the outpouring of love and concern that has been shown. It’s helped to see that so many people truly care for us.
What does this mean for my photography business? I’m still here, but I’m taking some time off to grieve and go back to my normal self. ( I’m a little emotional right now) I am still taking emails and such and if you were hoping to schedule with me, still email me and I will let you when I can do it.
A BIG SORRY to all of you photographers who have emailed me asking questions, I promise I will get back to you….if you need to have a questions answered sooner please email me again.
This is the day I delivered Cade…. I wanted to share something with all of you.
:)
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